Sleeping Beauty

“Who is your favorite princess?” grandmother asked one bright summer morning, as she drove me and my cousin to run errands.  “Oh, Belle!  She’s so pretty, and likes to read books! Wish I knew how to read!” I said, deflating like a balloon at the inequities of energy and ability of youth. 

“Oh, you will learn in a year or two!”

 A pair of weathered blue eyes shifted in the rearview mirror towards my cousin, who was a year younger, and silently taking in the passing greenery and fields of the quiet midwestern town. “What about you? Who is your favorite princess?”

 “Hmmm, I like Cinder-lella or  Mulan—she kicks butt!” she added with a hint of mischief dusting her brown eyes. 

I looked over at my cousin feeling the need to flex big sister muscles that I rarely got to use at home as an only child. “It's Cinderella, not cinder-lela!”

The Blue eyes crinkled in the rear view mirror, as she said “Kicking butt is a good thing for a young princess to do, especially one with so many brothers!”

My cousin let out a quiet “Yeah” with a smile on her face.

“Who is your favorite princess, grandma?” I asked, thinking I was asking the mature questions of peak adult conversation. 

“Oh, my favorite is Sleeping Beauty!”

“Sleeping Beauty! “ My cousin and I said in an excited unison.

“Oh yes, she gets to sleep for a long long time!”

“Who wants to sleep? I want to go to bed later!” 

“Well, as you get older, you might get more tired.”

I just scrunched my face up and crossed my arms. No way would I ever be so tired to want to sleep a long long time. 

When we arrived at our destination, My cousin and I had eyes like globes.  It was a paradise.  Smells of fresh flowers danced across the warm breeze.  Sun rays bouncing off of large rectangular stones.  My cousin and I were left to frolic about climbing the stones like small mountains, rescuing the princess, and picking the long stemmed carnations that adorned the walls to slay make believe dragons.  

When we grew tired of our little game, we went inside to play hide and seek. Hiding spaces were bountiful, as the largest boxes I had ever seen were lining the floor. We would take turns hiding behind them, under them. 

My cousin and I both saw it at the same time.  A large box.  It was light pink and shiny lined with cream colored satin and lace.  It was a box fit for a princess.  We both climbed inside and giggled, and laughed, pretending we were Snow White. 

We heard grandmother talking to an older man, so we got really quiet, so that she could come find us.  

“Girls, are you ready to go?  Girls!” My cousin started giggling and gave us away. Our grandmother slowly walked over, eyes huge peering over the edge of the frilly pink box we were hiding in. 

My cousin couldn't stop giggling and then said “Grandma, this box is for a princess.”  She looked at it for a contemplative minute, and then said “I agree.”

Later that night as she was putting us to bed, I couldn’t stop thinking about the fun of the day.  “Grandma, can we go play at the place with the flowers and stones tomorrow?  It was so much fun!”

“No, sweetheart, not tomorrow, but maybe someday. “ 

One summer at sixteen, I spent a few days with my grandmother and cousin. Still friends, we were less obsessed with princesses, and more in tuned to reality television and boys. 

Grandmother’s brown hair had turned gray and the crinkles at her blue eyes had deepend. A little listless and unsure what to do to occupy our day, around noon, grandmother asked “Do you want to go shopping with me?”

My cousin and I looked at each other perking up!  Shopping is the love language of teenage girls.  “Sure, what for?”

“Oh, just something nice to wear!”  She said casually. 

“Oh, do you have an occasion?” We asked, getting excited for a family members wedding, or maybe someone’s graduation from college. 

A small twinkle danced in her blue eyes, “Oh, you never know when a day crops up where you might need something dressy!”

How fun!?  Not just jeans or practical clothing, but something fancy! All my cousin and I heard was “New clothes“, and we were in.  

We passed through the racks of silks , satins, and chiffons, both colorful and dark.  My cousin picked out a cream colored top, with dark figure hugging pants.  I picked out a burgundy A-line dress, always opting to dress older than I was.    

“What kind of outfit are you looking for, grandma?” My cousin asked.

“Something classy, I will know it when I see it.”

We walked around the department store taking in the smells of perfumes and the fine clothes and purses. Picking pieces that we thought grandmother would like along the way.  My cousin had struck gold in a cream colored silk, with hand sewn pearl beads adorning the front. 

“This is it !” her eyes lit up.  “This is exactly the shirt I have been thinking about.“

My cousin smiled, eyes crinkled in delight.  We waited in the dressing room as she tried on the blouse.  

In stepped a woman who put everyone else first, who lived through war and hard times and good times.  As she stepped out of the dressing room, modeling her blouse, wearing something nice, for herself, she was beautiful. 

“Oh, grandma ! You look hot!” my cousin said.

“Yeah, total smokeshow!” I agreed. 

“Thanks girls!” She said, Eyes alight.  “This has been fun, hasn’t it?”

College had kept my cousin and I busy, but at twenty, we decided to visit my grandmother for a few days over the summer again. Age had become apparent.  What was once wirey gray, had become white and wispy.  Her skin had begun to crepe.  Her energy was waning as was her mobility. 

We spent the days sitting, talking, painting her nails, and watching some of our favorite movies.  She taught us how to bake her famous chocolate cake.  There was flour everywhere and it was a messy disaster.  We looked through photo books, and marked our favorites.  The ones that made us laugh the most. 

The evening before I was to fly back home, she asked my cousin and I to sit on her bed.  She wanted to give us each “something special”.  She slowly walked into her closet, and pulled out her jewelry box.  My brow knitted.  This didn't feel right.  To my cousin, she gave a ruby ring.  One that she used to put on her tiny finger playing dress up when we were kids, and to me she gave an emerald ring, to match my eyes. 

 I felt a churning in the pit of my stomach, and I smiled the tears back in my eyes,  praying that they would stay in, and not betray me.  It felt like a goodbye that I wasn’t ready for. I had lived my whole life knowing and loving this woman, realization sinking in that one day she may not be there anymore. 

My cousin looked down at the jewelry quietly absorbing the meaning. I gave my grandmother a hug. 

“So you can always be princesses. Take care of yourselves girls.”

The memorial service was held one winter evening.  My cousin and I stayed at grandmother's house and readied ourselves. The air and walls felt still, cold, withdrawn in her absence. 

I slipped into my Burgundy dress, and she into her cream colored blouse and black slacks. We both put on the rings she had given us from her jewelry box.

We drove to the funeral home silent tears running down our cheeks,

We didn’t know if we could go in and see her.  We had heard that the memorial would be an open casket.  We wanted to remember her in life, not in death. 

We sat in the car, working up the courage to walk in.  

In the hallway we were greeted with all of the pictures that made us laugh the summer before, arranged in a slide show.

We watched them for a bit, smiling and crying at the life of the woman we loved so much. 

Feeling a little lighter, It was our turn to walk in and say goodbye to grandmother.  We stepped through the oak doors of the memorial.  She was laying in a rose gold casket with golden embellishments, lined with cream colored satin and lace.  I felt a smile pull at my cheeks, recognising the casket from childhood so many years ago.  She was gorgeous in her cream colored blouse with hand sewn pearls. My cousin and I looked at each other remembering at the same time “ Sleeping Beauty.”